


hardest of hearts

by twistedsky



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedsky/pseuds/twistedsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian doesn't believe in love. At least, not until Kurt. Written pre-3x11, based partially on spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hardest of hearts

**Author's Note:**

> I'm uploading some of my fics here, so. Backdating, yo.  
> Anywho, so bonus Blaine/Sam, which I've always wanted to write a companion fic for--I mean, it took a lot for them to get from Blaine being a dick to Sam to Sam being in love with Blaine, you know? Except now I get annoyed when I see them even being friends in canon, because I'm super bitter.

  
“You can’t have him—“ Blaine stares at Sebastian with more intensity than Sebastian has ever seen him show, which surprises him enough that he doesn’t fight back as he’s slammed back against the hallway wall. “I’m not going to lose him.”

Sebastian smirks. “You’ve _already_ lost him.”

Blaine just stands there, breathing hard and glaring furiously, but there’s a slightly vulnerable look in his eye.  He knows it’s true.

~~~~

Sebastian Smythe meets Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel in his senior year of high school---right after his junior year in Paris. 

Blaine Anderson is _fascinating_ —he’s talented, and boyishly charming, and that makes him a valuable commodity. He becomes twice as interesting once Sebastian begins to knock horns with Kurt Hummel—who may have a serious case of the gay face, but he’s certainly a _challenge_ , and not horribly unattractive.

Sebastian doesn’t spend too much time thinking about either one of them though at first. He likes challenges, but he also gets bored easily. He doesn’t like to invest his time, but he also doesn’t like to lose—so he carefully negotiates between the two urges.

Sex isn’t bad—it can be healthy, and it can be good for the soul, and it can be _fun_ just as much as it can be meaningful. But Sebastian prefers it to be fun—it’s a distraction. Sex is a game, it’s a pastime, and although his parents aren’t all that happy that he’s gay, they’re also content to note that at least he’s _good_ at it.

Sebastian gets off on that—he loves the rebellion, and the power that it gives him. He travels when he wants to, and he’s only in _dull_ Ohio because his aunt in Paris thought he was having _too_ much fun(which isn’t true, as far as he’s concerned, because there’s no such thing as too much fun).

 It doesn’t help that she’d caught him in a particular bad state one day preceding a particularly important test, and that she’d therefore chosen to tell his parents that he was emotionally unstable. She was wrong, of course.

Some would call what happens to him _panic attacks_ , but Sebastian doesn’t. That’s weakness, and he’s Sebastian—so it’s rather unacceptable.

So now he’s stuck in Ohio, with his parents, and he hates it. There are fewer choices, and he actually has to be _careful_ who he hooks up with, because if they hold a grudge that could keep him from getting laid in the future.

And so he spends a little too much time undermining Kurt and Blaine’s relationship—he’s always at the Lima Bean, even though it’s out of his way, and he’s always just right there, ready to interrupt their time together, ready to tear them apart.

He snarks with Kurt, and flirts with Blaine—and nothing really changes much at all. Blaine flushes red nervously sometimes, and Sebastian wants to believe he’s blushing, but it’s hard to tell.

He’s ready to give up around the same time that he finds out that McKinley is doing Michael Jackson.

They fucking _would_ , he thinks.

~~

“So you’re smirky little meerkat, aren’t you?” the girl looks him up and down disdainfully, clearly judging him harshly. “I hear you have a thing for the hobbit. I should probably go all Lima Heights on you for throwing that slushie at him, but I suppose I should hear what you have to say first.”

Sebastian tilts his head slightly to the side and smiles. “I bet you’re Santana. Saw you at Sectionals. You really rocked the whole ‘girl power’ thing. I like it.”

Santana raises an eyebrow. “Why would you slushie someone you were trying to seduce? That doesn’t make sense. And when things don’t make sense, that means there’s something I don’t know, and I don’t like that.”

“Why do you care? I hear you don’t like the way he monopolizes solos with that Berry girl. You’d think you’d like me taking him down a peg.”

Santana shrugs. “Oh, I do. But I prefer to be the one who gets to do it.” She glares at him, but she’s clearly already softened her stance toward him.

“We’ll sing—“ Sebastian says, smiling. “And if you can keep up with me, then we’ll talk.”

~~

The day before Sebastian slushies Blaine he runs into him at Scandals—which is interesting to note, because Kurt _isn’t_ there.

He slides right up to him, a smirk on his face. “What are you doing here, Blaine?” he practically purrs his name, and he hates himself instantly for it. But it seems to work and Blaine smiles, a tad bit drunkenly.

“Kurt and I got into a huge fight—“ Blaine trails off and sighs, taking another drink.

“Of course you did,” Sebastian attempts not to smile triumphantly. “What about?”

Sebastian expects any number of responses, but what he gets surprises him.

“Sam,” Blaine says simply. “Kurt found out that I didn’t apologize like I said I did. But I felt threatened, and I hate the way that he just came right in and tried to inject _sex_ into everything—“

“Is he the blond one?” Sebastian smiles slightly, remembering a _very_ sexy boy from their Sectionals performance.

“Yeah,” Blaine sighs. “It’s not that he isn’t a nice guy, and I get that Kurt thinks he’s a good friend, but I was right. We didn’t need to be sexier—“

Sebastian furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Weren’t you the one who had an entire lesson on _sexy_ last year?” he barely stops himself from making a comment about how Blaine’s sex appeal is so intense that he doesn’t need to do anything more than exist, but he does.

“Yeah, but that was different,” Blaine says, as if he doesn’t understand.

That’s the moment that the lovely little perfect picture of Blaine in Sebastian’s mind begins to crack.

~~

Sebastian doesn’t mind sex with guys who annoy him, and he certainly isn’t against hate sex, or any variation thereof where he actively dislikes the other person. In fact, he’s rather fond of such circumstances.

Blaine is about to make himself unfuckable though.

~~

“So why do you go after guys who don’t want you?” Blaine asks, as Sebastian drives him home.

Sebastian has been listening to drunken rambling for the past few hours, and Sebastian suddenly wonders how Kurt manages to put up with him. He immediately stops that train of thought and breathes in deeply before saying, “Because I want them.”

“Do you though?” Blaine asks, staring down at his hands. “Does sleeping around make you feel better about yourself?”

“I like sex, but that doesn’t make me less of a person,” Sebastian says.

“You sleep around,” Blaine says simply, as if that’s supposed to mean that it does.

“I kind of want to punch you in the face,” Sebastian admits cheerfully. “But you’re drunk, so I’m going to give you a free pass. You don’t get to judge me for this—“

It’s who he is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There are enough people in this world who want to fuck away the pain to keep him busy for the rest of his life.

He isn’t going to be ashamed of that. Not everyone is _meant_ for forever, or for a relationship—though, if Sebastian is honest, he can remember a time when that had been exactly what he’d wanted.

Right around the time he’d found out that his parents were screwing other people on a regular basis Sebastian had realized that love didn’t really exist, at least not for him. And he is _not_ going to let Blaine rub that in.

~~

The day of the Slushie Debacle, as Sebastian likes to refer to it, Blaine is clearly hungover. Sebastian is drinking a slushie, and everything is absolutely fine when new Directions shows up, and they have a bit of a dance and singoff, and it’s a lot of fun, actually, up until right after when everyone seems ready to shake hands and be friends, and Blaine walks up to Sebastian.

“I don’t remember what happened last night,” he admits. He seems much more _Blaine_ now, but harsher than usual instead of his usual doe-eyed vulnerability. “Did, um—“ he lowers his voice as low as he can while Sebastian can still hear it. “What happened last night?”

Sebastian doesn’t want to go there. “What are you implying?” he asks.

It’s clear that he’s asking whether or not Sebastian tried something, so he simply asks it instead of continuing to beat around the bush.

Sebastian sees red before he throws the slushie in the other boy’s face. A blinding sort of rage seems to overcome him. “No, I didn’t.” He hates that Blaine has to ask that. He hates that anyone would _believe_ that(he has standards, and everyone always assumes that he doesn’t). And in this moment he _hates_ Blaine.

~~

“Have you realized that your boyfriend is a dick?” Sebastian asks conversationally as he sits down across from Kurt at the Lima Bean. He doesn’t know why he does it, but he’s feeling rather vindictive when it comes to Blaine, so why the hell not?

Kurt doesn’t even bother to glare at him or pull out a snarky comeback. “What do you want, Smythe?”

“Oh, are we on a last name basis now?” Sebastian smiles slightly. “Good to know, Hummel.”

Kurt lets his lips curve slightly in a smile, and for some reason Sebastian notices that, though he doesn’t really know _why._

Kurt doesn’t say anything, and Sebastian can tell he’s contemplating simply getting up to leave, so he speaks. “Your boyfriend has a slut-shaming problem, did you know that?” He knows that he does, so when Kurt seems to freeze and frown slightly Sebastian takes that as permission to keep talking. “I heard you were an advocate against bullying, you’d think you’d be able to keep your boyfriend in line.”

“Relationships aren’t about controlling the other person,” Kurt says. It isn’t quite meanly, which is an improvement to say the least. “And you shouldn’t have thrown that slushie at him like that.”

“Oh, I respectfully disagree,” Sebastian smiles a bit resentfully. “Relationships are all about power. Whoever has more wins.”

Sebastian says it as if he believes it. “And Blaine deserved it.”

“That’s sad,” Kurt says simply. “And no, he didn’t.”

Sebastian is visibly taken aback, but he quickly regroups. “How is that sad, exactly?”

“It’s one thing to choose not to be in a relationship because that’s not what you want. Not everyone is meant for monogamy—but you should at least know what you’re missing. Relationships are about love, and trust, and building each other up, not tearing each other down. If you want to live your life without love, that’s up to you, it’s certainly none of my business—“ Kurt takes a deep breath. “But it’s still sad.”

Sebastian doesn’t know what to say to that, so he simply takes a sip of his coffee.

Kurt lets the silence be—and it isn’t quite awkward at all. It’s rather comforting. It’s an okay silence, but a bit sad.

Kurt has never really thought much about Sebastian before except as a threat. So he has to ask. “Do you still want my boyfriend?” It's not as if there's anything that Sebastian can do to make Blaine want him  _now_.

Sebastian smiles slightly, and shakes his head, and for a brief moment Kurt is caught in his smile. “No, I don’t.”

It’s true, and Kurt believes them.

This is the moment they almost become friends.

~~

Sebastian doesn’t like to be nervous. He hates it, in fact.

He stares at himself in the mirror at the college he’s interviewing at and just _looks_.

He’s attractive, that’s to be sure. That’s never really been contested. He looks confident—which he is, but he doesn’t always feel that way.

He doesn’t know what it is that has him slamming his fist into the mirror and breathing deeply, trying desperately to think clearly, to not feel nervous—he hates _nervous_ , it’s so weak _._

He backs up against a wall and slouches against it, not quite dropping to the floor.

He’s going to be fine. He’s okay. Nothing is wrong.

He sinks a little, and he knows it isn’t.

NYU is a good school, he reminds himself. A great school.

He can do this. He’ll get in. His parents want him to go somewhere a little more. . . prestigious. Like Columbia. Or Yale. Brown.  

But he wants NYU more than he’s ever wanted anything before.  So long as he still gets into a prestigious law school, however, his parents will simply stew in their disappointment(and he’s certainly okay with letting them do that).

He breathes in deeply, in and out, staring across the restroom at the little corner that turns to the door, and therefore the world.

He hates that fucking corner, he decides.

He closes his eyes. He has a little time before his interview. It’s right down the hall. He has twenty-two minutes to pull himself together.

He breathes in and out, deeply and slowly.

He buries his head in his hands and sinks down onto the floor. He probably shouldn’t, but at this moment he can’t be bothered to care.

He’s so distracted by a stinging sensation in his hand and a buzzing in his head that he barely notices when someone walks in, but he does hear the gasp. He looks up only to see the last person he’d ever expect.

“Kurt—“ he says, and suddenly he feels himself stiffen, and he feels a mixture of shame and suddenly he can’t even feel his bleeding hand.

Kurt just raises an eyebrow, and looks at him as if he’s sizing him up. “How about we save the snark for the next five to ten minutes?” he asks finally.

Sebastian nods, and Kurt sighs, stepping forward and kneeling in front of Sebastian, carefully _not_ meeting his eyes. “I assume you’re here for the second round of interviews,” he says conversationally before sighing. “Please tell me you already had yours, because you have blood all over your shirt.”

Sebastian shrugs slightly, because the room seems to be spinning, and he doesn’t know what to say. There’s nothing he can do about it now.

“I suppose you’d wonder what I’m doing here—“ Kurt says as he takes Sebastian’s hand, surveying the damage. “—but you clearly don’t care.” He doesn’t seem upset, he’s simply thinking aloud. “You can’t put all your eggs in one basket, as I’m sure you know.” He reaches into his bag, pulling out a bag of little white wipes.

“This is going to sting a little, okay?” Kurt says, looking up briefly to meet Sebastian’s eyes. Sebastian simply nods again, afraid that if he speaks he’ll destroy this moment(whatever it is), and he isn’t ready for that yet. Kurt’s voice is calming, and so matter of fact.

And Sebastian _may_ be a little caught in his eyes—what _are_ they? They aren’t blue, and they aren’t gray, and they aren’t brown—they’re some weird little mixture, and for some reason Sebastian is annoyed when Kurt looks back down at his hand, and starts wiping away the blood gently.

Sebastian is suddenly distracted by Kurt—and doesn’t even gasp in pain even though it _does_ hurt. Maybe it’s the blood loss, or maybe it’s his fragile state, but for some reason he’s overcome with the desire to touch Kurt’s face. It looks _incredibly_ soft. That skin care regimen must be working out for him, he notes.

He sort of gets the porcelain nickname now—and even regrets the ‘gay face’ comment. Kurt may not be boyishly attractive like Blaine, or hot like him, but he’s _beautiful_.

But that’s an unacceptable train of thought, so he simply concentrates on the pain, which is already dulling to a minor throb.

“So why’d you punch the mirror? Did it tell you that you’re not the fairest of them all?” Kurt jokes slightly before setting aside the bloody wipes and grabbing a new one to apply Neosporin.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sebastian replies, regaining some of his swagger and confidence, but not enough to even force a smile.

Kurt’s eyes flicker up to meet his again. “Okay,” he says softly. “Well, I just finished mine, and I’m not sure when yours is—“

“In about fifteen minutes,” Sebastian says a tad bit nervously, and Kurt smiles slightly.

“Of course it is. Okay, so I’m going to wrap your hand in this little bandage—“ he pulls one out of his bag and Sebastian just lifts an eyebrow, and Kurt shrugs. “McKinley is a dangerous place. I’m always prepared.”

Sebastian doesn’t ask _why_ —he remembers conversations with other Dalton boys about why Kurt had come there in the first place(though he honestly doesn’t understand why the fuck anyone would want to go _back_ to something like that).

“What am I going to do about my shirt?” Sebastian asks finally, and Kurt just smiles, and whips out a few pins.

“I can pin parts of your shirt to the edges of your coat, you just have to be careful when you sit down.”

Sebastian watches Kurt as he works quickly. “Why are you doing this?”

Kurt doesn’t even bother to look up. “I like to believe there’s good in everyone.”

Sebastian snorts, and Kurt looks up briefly to warn him not to move. “That’s bullshit.”

“Almost everything is,” Kurt admits softly. “But I can choose what to believe in. I don’t believe in much. But I do believe in human decency.”

“That’s very . . . evolved of you,” Sebastian says.

Kurt finishes what he’s doing and rolls his eyes, standing up and straightening himself out. “Since I’m sure you aren’t applying for the same program as I did, I suppose I can wish you good luck, even though I’m not quite sure if I like you.”

Sebastian starts to use his hands to brace himself while he stands up and then stops, hissing because of the pain his hand is causing him. “Damn it.”

Kurt sighs, lifting out a hand. “Lift with your feet.”

Sebastian reaches up to grab Kurt’s hand, mildly surprised by how firmly he pulls him up.

His hand is so _warm_ , and so soft, and—that’s a ridiculous train of thought.

Sebastian smiles charmingly. “Thank you,” and for some reason he’s not quite sure of he lifts Kurt’s hand to his lips and presses a soft kiss to the back of it before rushing off to his interview. But right before he exits the restroom he turns back, and Kurt turns towards him, and he smiles even more broadly. “I’m not quite sure if I like you either.”

Kurt is left staring after him, waving his hand in the air as if that can make the _sting_ go away. He’s also stuck wondering why that sounds like more than it is. It isn’t _allowed_ to mean more.

~~

Sebastian Smythe has several more run-ins with Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson, especially after Blaine apologizes, and Sebastian—upon being kicked under the table they were sitting at in the Lima Bean by Kurt—also apologizes.

He likes the way that Kurt and Blaine are unsettled—they don’t understand his continued interest in them. If he’s honest, which he only is when it benefits him, he doesn’t quite know either.

He’s . . . curious. Less so about Blaine, who is rather uncomplicated, minus a clear possibility of a future addiction to alcohol and some fairly basic daddy issues.

 _Kurt_ , on the other hand, is interesting.

He’s just the right balance of bitchy and smart—and he just so happens to be _nice_ once you get to know him. Sebastian doesn’t really do nice, but he wouldn’t mind doing Kurt.

Blaine’s a pretty boy, but Kurt would be a challenge—he clearly has vulnerability under his _fire_ , and Sebastian would _love_ to make him tremble against him.

Sebastian quite purposefully _touches_ Kurt. Constantly. Just brief brushes that Kurt doesn’t even seem to notice because they seem so natural. He’s soft.

But when he dances, his hips fucking _don’t lie_.

There’s something hard and jarring, and sexual about the way he moves. He’s graceful.

Kurt shouldn't be Sebastian’s type, but Sebastian has had enough sex to know that type isn’t everything.

Not that he intends to sleep with him, because he’s rather enjoying simply having _friends_. Or comrades of sorts, he supposes, because they don’t quite _like_ him, even now.

~~

“I didn’t get into NYADA,” Kurt says, but he doesn’t seem upset at all, so Sebastian just raises an eyebrow.

“It’s okay,” Blaine assures him. “You’ll find something to do. You’ll follow your dreams, Kurt, because that’s just the kind of person you are.”

Sebastian fights against the impulse to roll his eyes. “What’s the good news?”

Blaine turns briefly towards him, more than a little confused. “What?”

“I got into NYU,” Kurt says, so clearly excited that he looks like he’s going to bounce right out of his skin, and he’s just smiling so happily that Sebastian is more than a little jealous when Blaine throws his arms around Kurt’s shoulders and hugs him tightly, congratulating him.

Sebastian won’t say that he got in too, because this is Kurt’s moment. But tonight, when he’s done screwing a cute boy in a bathroom at Scandals, he’ll go home, and for some reason he’ll pick up his phone and text Kurt to tell him the ‘good’ news.

Kurt will respond enthusiastically, despite the fact that he probably doesn’t _want_ to see Sebastian around campus for the next four years, and Sebastian will feel an _awful_ glow in the pit of his stomach. If he imagines butterflies, he imagines squashing them painfully.

For now, however, he simply smiles and bites out so mindlessly snarky comment that’s _just_ short of mean, and Kurt will ignore him minus a slight roll of his eyes, and Sebastian will feel the first fluttering of something that _certainly_ isn’t butterflies(and that’s why he fucks it away).

~~

“Your boyfriend looks under the weather, is he PMS-ing?” Sebastian asks Blaine, even though Kurt is sitting right across from him.

He can see Kurt out of the corner of his eye and he enjoys the disgusted glare that Kurt directs at him before sighing. Sebastian’s in a mood, and Kurt can tell, so he steels himself for the attitude.

“Stop it, Seb—“Blaine says, frowning back down at his textbook. “We’re supposed to be studying.”

Kurt’s eyes briefly flicker to Blaine’s face, like he’s clearly expecting _more_ of a defense.

Sebastian feels those butterflies chomp at his insides—they’re man-eating butterflies, he decides—and just laughs—an almost empty sort of laugh. “I’d still screw him though,” he says, ignoring Blaine’s statement altogether.

Blaine briefly throws him a confused glance and Kurt’s breath catches in his throat.

“You’d screw anything that could put up with your meerkat face—“ Kurt says good-naturedly. He smiles briefly at Sebastian before looking back down towards his own textbook. He says it not to harm, but to simply nudge back, because that’s what they do.

Sebastian nudges Kurt’s leg under the table and Kurt reddens slightly, but doesn’t look up.

Sebastian moves his foot back towards himself, and smiles triumphantly before looking at his calculus book. He just likes to get a reaction out of Kurt.

~~

“I’m in love with you,” Blaine assures Kurt. “But I just—you’re going to New York, and I’ll be there next year, but I just can’t do this now. We’ll keep in touch. But maybe we should—see other people. And each other.”

Kurt feels his heart clench in his chest—there’s a lot of hurt, and the tiniest bit of relief, which he quickly destroys.

Kurt is going off to college in three days, and there’s a part of him that’s been dreading this moment, and certainly this conversation.

“I love you too,” he says finally, realizing that Blaine is just looking at him, waiting for a response. “But if this isn’t what you want—you and me, I get that.”

He does.

He doesn’t want to, but he can’t help but understand.

Blaine is clearly surprised. “No. I just want to be mature about this. We should be open to other experiences. And when we’re still together at the end of the year, we won’t resent each other. We’ll be—we’ll be more in love.” Kurt actually thinks Blaine believes this, so he nods his head and fakes a smile.

It seems like a recipe for disaster.

~~

Sebastian visits Kurt in his room on move-in day, and Kurt is grateful to see a friendly face.

“So I heard about this party—“ Sebastian begins, flopping himself down on Kurt’s bed.

Kurt just rolls his eyes. “It’s the first day. How does this not surprise me?”

Sebastian just smiles and ignores the jab. “Where’s your roommate?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be seeing much of him this semester. He’s an architecture student.” Kurt wrinkles his nose at the sight of Sebastian’s feet on his bed and smiles before pushing him off onto the floor.

Sebastian winces. “Ow.”

“Ow indeed,” Kurt agrees with a smile.

~~

Autumn goes by quickly enough—Sebastian drags Kurt to enough parties to make his head spin, and gets laid almost every Thursday. He also manages to rush a frat, though in the end he only joins because his dad pressures him during their monthly five minute phone calls.

Kurt doesn’t comment.

He also doesn’t date, because despite the fact that he and Blaine made their agreement, they’re continuing on just like nothing’s happened at all.

~~

He thinks this right up until December, right after finals. He has a few days before his flight back to Lima—monetary restraints require _very_ carefully planned travelling plans, he sighs.

Sam is the one who tells him that he’s dating Blaine—casually slipping into a skype conversation that he hopes that Kurt doesn’t mind his . . . he trails off, mentally searching for a way to word what he’s trying to say, and Kurt understands immediately, quickly reaching out to slam his laptop shut.

He thinks he manages to say something like, “Oh yeah, we’re fine. I have to go,” but it comes out a bit jumbled, and he just hopes for the best.

Kurt Hummel curls into a ball on his bed and cries into his pillow.

When Sebastian comes over to take him to the end of the semester party he’d promised he’d go to in a moment of weakness, Kurt doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to open the door and let him in, doesn’t want to show his weakness.

His roommate Carter, on the other hand, has no such qualms, opening the door up and chatting animatedly with Sebastian, who is _clearly_ flirting with him right up until the moment that he lays eyes on Kurt.

Kurt rubs at his eyes and turns away so that Sebastian can only see his profile. But that’s enough to know that something is _very_ wrong.

Once Carter leaves to catch his flight back to California, Sebastian simply sits on the edge of Kurt’s bed. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Kurt says. And technically nothing should be surprising to him. He should know better.

It doesn’t take much prying for Sebastian to get the full story.

Sebastian seems almost angry when he finds out—though he’s not sure whether he’s angry _for_ Kurt, or over the fact that he could have been—and he doesn’t let himself finish that train of thought because it’s simply too dangerous, and the butterflies in his stomach are now in almost every area of his body, and he feels like his entire body is way too _aware_ of Kurt’s.

“We’re still going to that party,” Sebastian says a while later.

Kurt begins to protest but Sebastian shushes him.

“We’re going.”

“I don’t want to.”

Sebastian doesn’t want to do it, and the words fall clunkily from his lips. “Maybe that’s the problem. You need to be more adventurous.” The implication is that he’s _boring._ Which he isn’t, at all. But he doesn’t always seek out what makes him _shine_ unless someone challenges him to do it.

Blaine doesn’t challenge him, Sebastian thinks almost meanly. He doesn’t follow the logic to the natural conclusion though, which is that _he_ does.

“Fine,” Kurt agrees. “We’re going.”

~~

The party is a bad idea, Sebastian realizes later when Kurt gets so incredibly drunk he’s barely standing up straight.

Some guy tries to hit on him, but Sebastian pulls Kurt away protectively, maybe a little possessively, and the guy takes the hint.

Sebastian has to practically carry Kurt back to his room, which isn’t an easy feat. Drunk Kurt is strangely entertaining, and less emotional than he might have thought, and weirdly handsy.

Sebastian struggles to get out Kurt’s key to open his door, and he manages to get Kurt to drop down onto his bed. Sebastian is so tired at this point that he lays down next to him—Kurt’s roommate bed is like four feet off the ground and there’s no way in hell Sebastian is getting on top of that. And he is _not_ sleeping on the floor.

“Scoot over,” he says, and Kurt acquiesces.

Kurt rolls over slightly to face Sebastian sleepily, almost as if he doesn’t realize what he’s doing. “I’m never enough,” he says softly.

Sebastian feels a strange _pang_ in his heart—and the fucking butterflies are on fire.

There’s so little room on the bed, and suddenly Sebastian is aware that this is just a very bad idea.

Kurt doesn’t say much more, and instead drifts off into a deep sleep. Thankfully he doesn’t snore—but he apparently hums.

Sebastian thinks it’s cute.

He watches him for a few minutes before pressing a soft kiss to Kurt’s temple. “Yeah, you are.”

Maybe Sebastian is a little too drunk, but he thinks Kurt is more than enough. He’s just the perfect amount of _enough_ , he thinks, until falling asleep.

~~

Kurt wakes up to Sebastian next to him, and his memory is clear enough that he doesn’t freak out. He must have been tired, he realizes.

He kind of owes Sebastian for taking care of him, he notes.

He stops noting things when the room starts spinning and he feels like vomiting. He practically jumps up, climbing over Sebastian and barely making it to the trashcan.

Sebastian stirs at that. “Are you okay?” he asks.

It’s such a loaded question, but weirdly the answer is _yes_ , so Kurt nods.

~~

Sebastian and Kurt spend a little too much time together over winter break—Blaine begins to wonder if there’s something going on with them, and Kurt is glad to be able to say no.

Not that Sebastian would ever be attracted to him, he notes almost sadly.

Sebastian is a different kind of person—he’d never settle down, never have a meaningful relationship.

Kurt is a romantic. He believes in relationships, in their _meaning_.

It’s ludicrous to think that they have much more in common than a school, an attraction to the male gender, and a weirdly similar sense of humor.

~~

Winter break passes quickly, as it oft does.

Even when the new semester begins, there’s not much to it. Kurt is a little more clearly defining his goals and his needs, and he’s finally got the hang of the college thing.

Sebastian, on the other hand, is softening, and he hates himself for it.

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t fair that it would happen, that it’s happening now of all times. It certainly isn’t fair that it’s happening with Kurt.

~~

~~

Spring is what changes them.

Kurt loves flowers, and although Sebastian rolls his eyes and makes a snarky comment before agreeing to go to visit the rose gardens that Kurt wants to see, he still agrees to do so.

“This would be better with alcohol,” Sebastian comments.

Kurt simply raises an eyebrow. “You think everything is better with alcohol.”

Sebastian winks. “Because everything  _is_.”

~~

Sebastian enjoys himself, if only because of Kurt.

When they go through the city, heading back to campus, he can’t help but notice the way that Kurt just  _is_.

He’s even more  _Kurt-_ like away from Blaine, and it’s  _hot_.

Unfair, but hot.

~~

The night after the gardens Sebastian insists on his own kind of amusement and pulls out tequila and shot glasses.

Kurt rolls his eyes, but partakes without much nudging.

More than a few shots in, Kurt finds himself looking at Sebastian, who is laying across him, his head on Kurt’s lap. “You have such a pretty face. I know I call you a meerkat, but meerkat’s are actually  _mildly_  cute.” Kurt likes to backhandedly compliment Sebastian, because his ego is big enough as it is.

Sebastian looks up at him, eyes dark and twinkling. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“Shut up,” Kurt says. “You don’t mean that.”

Sebastian sits up and leans back against the wall next to Kurt. “I do,” he insists. He turns his head slightly to the left, a little surprised when Kurt is already looking at him.

He places his hand on the side of Kurt’s face, meeting the other boy’s eyes.

“I still can’t figure out what color your eyes are,” Sebastian says.

Kurt doesn’t know what the strange feeling that seems to be wrapping its way around him. “Maybe you don’t pay enough attention,” he teases slightly, smiling just barely.

Sebastian shakes his head. “No, I do,” he says almost breathlessly.

The look on Sebastian’s face  _scares_   Kurt, so he opens his mouth to make a joke, or to change the conversation, or anything but what happens, which is him leaning forward and Sebastian kissing him—or maybe the opposite, it doesn’t matter.

Sebastian’s hand is still against his cheek, gently rubbing against Kurt’s neck, drawing him closer.

It’s a strangely soft kiss—Sebastian is teasing and skilled, and desperately trying to hold back. This is just a small kiss.

The butterflies come out in full force and the pit of Sebastian makes him feel almost giddy—and when Kurt nibbles on his lip, and his hands come up to frame Sebastian’s face, pulling him closer, flush up against him as much as is possible considering the fact that they’re sitting next to each other.

“Screw it,” Sebastian says when they pull apart—they’re a little heady and breathless, because despite how soft the kiss had started out being, Kurt’s skin is warm to the touch, and Sebastian is breathing heavily.

When Sebastian pushes back against Kurt, Kurt pushes back, which is  _really_  fucking hot—especially since he then twists around, practically crawling into his lap.

It’s much more heated now—Kurt can feel Sebastian’s erection as he presses his leg up against the crease in his jeans, grinding against it slightly.

“I had no idea—“ Sebastian says between kisses.

“What?” Kurt asks—he’s not really thinking very much at all because he’s caught up in  _Sebastian_. How Sebastian smells kind of spicy and sexy, with the tiniest bit of earthy and flowery from the day they’d spent together. Sebastian feels  _so good_. Kurt likes his skin, and the way that his hands feel up against his neck, and the way that they tangle in his hair.

But  _now_  he’s thinking.

Words change things, he supposes.

Being with Blaine is all about words and feelings—it’s not really about heat or intensity, or even  _challenging_  each other. This is about simply  _being_.

 _It isn’t_ —the moment he starts on this train of thought he pulls away, breathing heavily, eyes dark, more than a little flushed.  _Blaine_.

He can’t do this—well, he can, but he shouldn’t. This isn’t right, this isn’t him.

The fact that Sebastian keeps looking at him as if he  _sees_  him is distracting.

He may occasional mock him for certain things, but he almost seems to  _appreciate_  him for those very same characteristics.

Kurt is a little bit of a diva, and sometimes he’s overly emotional—and sometimes he’s just so  _confident_ in who he is, even as he has a vulnerable underbelly that Sebastian knows _just_  how to prod at. He does so less meanly now, but he still teases him.

Kurt appreciates that.

But Blaine is his first love, and his boyfriend, and being with Sebastian is a betrayal of that, so he pulls away.

He scrambles of Sebastian’s lap, and his bed and turns around to face Sebastian—whose face is a mask, because he’d had just enough time to recover from the instinctive feeling of  _hurt_. But Kurt doesn’t know this, and Sebastian isn’t going to let him know.

“You should go,” Kurt says softly.

Sebastian meets his eyes, and he suddenly realizes the problem. “Blaine is the one who wanted you to date other people.”

Kurt  _knows_  that, and he resents that Sebastian is bringing it up. “I don’t think this is what he had in mind.” Not having sex with  _Sebastian_. Maybe not even having sex. Certainly not feeling like he wants to be with Sebastian more than he wants to call Blaine for their weekly skype date.

Sebastian looks disgusted. “Why would this be different?”

Kurt looks around at his room, which is currently a mess. “Because you’re Sebastian.”

Sebastian narrows his eyes, trying to understand what that has to do with it. “Oh.”  Realization hits, and he smirks his signature smirk—the one that Kurt hates(and sort of loves, if he’s honest with himself). “You like me, don’t you?”

“No—“ Kurt says, shaking his head. “I mean, yes. No—“ it’s hard to put into words what he feels, and he’s beginning to get flustered, which just makes Sebastian  _happier_. “Take that smirk off your face.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No. Don’t worry, this isn’t over.” He lifts himself off Kurt’s bed, putting on his shoes, and then straightening out his clothes.

 _Fucking butterflies_ , he thinks, when he looks back up and Kurt just looks so _upset_  he feels something squeeze in his chest.

He kisses Kurt’s cheek before he moves to leave, and Kurt just  _stands_  there, as if he can’t move, as if he doesn’t know how to function.

He’s tempted to kiss him again—and the fact that he now has to whack off by himself doesn’t do much more than make him  _really_ frustrated, so he moves his head slightly, just to whisper against Kurt’s ear. “There’s so much more where that came from.”

Kurt shivers slightly, and Sebastian gives in to the impulse to bite his neck just barely, and he’s rewarded with a  _very_  sexually frustrated moan that makes him want to seduce him right then and there. But if he does that, then he’ll lose him.

This is the moment he decides he’s playing for keeps.

It’s also the moment he acknowledges that it isn’t actually a game, but he’s going to win anyway.

~~

Sam is easy to find and talk to right at the beginning of Spring Break(before Kurt even has the opportunity to come home), and although he doesn’t want to steal his close friend’s boyfriend, he certainly isn’t willing to let go without a fight.

When Sebastian assures him that he’ll take care of Kurt, Sam is so tempted to give into the temptation to work with him to break Kurt and Blaine up—it isn’t like it isn’t common knowledge that Kurt is more  _Kurt_  around Sebastian. And as much as Kurt and Blaine are good together, maybe they’d be better apart.

Sebastian grows tired of watching all of this play out on Sam’s face—he’s not very good at hiding his emotions—so he simply sighs and asks for the information he really wants. “Do you want Blaine enough to fight for him?”

Sam doesn’t even hesitate, because he’s the kind of person who fights for who he loves, who cares enough not to give up. “I’m in love with him.”

“Good,” he says. The word love freaks Sebastian out, and he certainly doesn’t know if it really exists, so he tries not to think about it. “Just romance Blaine, make him feel like you understand him better than Kurt ever will. People are suckers for that kind of thing. And keep his attention during spring break, at whatever cost.”

“I do understand him better than anyone else,” Sam says, almost to prove to himself that he’s doing the right thing. ”I can do that.”

“Good,” Sebastian smiles at that, mentally checking this conversation off his to-do list. He turns to leave the boy—the kind of guy he’d normally hit on, but for some reason he simply has no desire to do so.

“Wait—“ Sam calls after him. “I need to know something.”

Sebastian turns back to Sam, weirdly curious. “What?”

“Do you love Kurt? Is this what this is about?”

Under normal circumstances if he were to say yes, it would be a lie. “No,” he says, his skin reddening slightly, and the metaphorical butterflies squeeze around his heart as if to say he’s lying, and suddenly he’s aware of that fact.

From the satisfied look on Sam’s face, it’s clear he knows too. “You’re so in denial it’s almost not funny.”

~~

Sebastian feels weirdly neutered by  _feelings_.

He’s beginning to question his entire plan up until the day he meets up with Sam, Kurt and Blaine at the Lima Bean.

He doesn’t believe in love, and he doesn’t believe in what he’s doing anymore. This isn’t  _him_.

Kurt has feelings for him, he knows that, and maybe that should be enough.

Sebastian knows he’s had less sex in the past six months than he had in the summer before college.

He’s beginning to question everything—but then he walks into the Lima Bean, and locates Kurt almost without even trying.

The moment he lays eyes on him he knows he’s screwed.

Kurt looks up from his coffee for a moment, as if sensing Sebastian’s stare, and he holds his gaze for a moment longer than he should.

No regrets, he decides. He’s in love with Kurt.

The metaphorical butterflies release their hold on him, and he feels weirdly  _free_.

~~

Eventually Sam has to go to work—apparently he’s been working for Kurt’s dad to save up some money, and since Finn’s off in the army, someone needs to do it—and Sebastian gets a text message from his parents requesting his presence at some annoying event.

Sebastian doesn’t want to leave Kurt and Blaine together, but he sadly doesn’t have a choice. His parents are upset enough that he’s choosing to go his own way at college. When he’s home he still has to pretend to be the perfect son.

~~

“How are things with Sam?” Kurt asks after Sebastian leaves.

Blaine is surprised to hear him ask that, and it’s clear. “Oh, I—they’re fine. I mean, you and I are still—“ Blaine sighs. “I don’t want this to be awkward.”

“Oh, it isn’t—“ Kurt assures him, but he’s lying, and Blaine knows it.

Blaine also knows that Kurt spent more time  _not looking_  at Sebastian than he did actually looking at Blaine, so there’s clearly quite a bit of awkwardness.

“What’s going on between you and Sebastian?” Blaine asks almost a tad bit jealously.

Kurt doesn’t pick up on the jealousy though, which is for the best because then he’d probably do something foolish like date Sebastian to  _make_  him jealous purposely. But he doesn’t. “Nothing,” he replies, sipping his drink. “Well, we’re friends.”

Blaine wants to pry, but he knows better than to do that. He’s beginning to feel guilty for still dating Sam, because it should be casual—but it isn’t. “Do you think it’s possible to have feelings for two people at the same time?” he asks, even though he shouldn’t.

Kurt bites his lip thoughtfully. “Yes, that’s the heart of all love triangles, isn’t it? The question is who you can’t live without. Who makes you . . .happier, I suppose.”

“Define happy.”

Kurt shrugs slightly, readjusting himself in his chair. “I can’t really do that for you. Different types of people and different kinds of love make different kinds of people happy. In the end—“ his voice catches, but he clears his throat and continues. “You have to choose the person you can’t imagine not being with.”

Blaine seems to think about this, and then hesitates.

“What?”

“You’re my best friend,” he says softly. “But I—can you imagine not being with me?”

It’s a serious sort of question, one with an answer that seems to change all the time, Kurt notes.

“Can you?” he simply asks back.

Neither of them is capable of answering.

~~

Blaine is coming to New York—to NYADA, actually. The day Kurt finds out he’s a little resentful, but not too jealous because even though it was his dream first, it’s traditionally only allowed to be Blaine’s reality. It happens all of the time, and he hates himself for feeling this way.

He spends two hours skyping with Rachel and Mercedes, and even goes so far as to make plans to meet up with Rachel, who is already at NYADA. He doesn’t mention Blaine getting in, but Rachel already knows, which she clearly feels the need to mention.

Mercedes steers the conversation away from that, and they briefly discuss how very cute Kurt’s roommate is, and how  _very_  straight he is.

When Sebastian knocks on his door—and he  _knows_  it’s him, because he does this weirdly musical tappity tap noise, Kurt rolls his eyes. “I have to go. I have plans with a friend.”

“With Sebastian?” Mercedes asks point blank.

Kurt crinkles his nose. “Maybe.”

Rachel and Mercedes both have knowing looks on their faces so he simply says goodbye and ends the call.

Being friends with Sebastian is perfectly reasonable.

~~

Sebastian likes to drag him off to the weirdest events—sometimes it’ll be some LGBT rally, other times some sort of musical performance, often he’ll drag him to parties he doesn’t want to go to, and the sometimes he’ll just decide that they should spend a day in a museum.

Kurt doesn’t always understand Sebastian, but he’s definitely more cultured than Kurt usually wants to give him credit for. He’s more complicated than Kurt had first thought, and he actually seems _human_  in a way that Kurt isn’t used to thinking of him as.

Kurt drags him to things too, but much less often because he’s mostly content to let Sebastian choose. He’s good at it.

Today he wishes that he’d made more of an effort to actually  _ask_  and care about what they’re about to do. He likes to be surprised, weirdly enough. Sebastian is the only person he’s ever felt that way about, because for some reason he trusts him.

Maybe it’s because Kurt saw him in a state of vulnerability, and therefore has leverage—but Kurt tends to think it’s just because Sebastian  _cares_  so much more than he lets anyone know.

“Put on the suit,” Sebastian says. He’s not going to say  _please_  again.

“What are we doing?” Kurt repeats his question, which he’s asked about half a dozen times in the last half an hour.

Sebastian is trying to dress him, and it’s awkward—and he hates the way that Sebastian keeps running his hands along his skin, as if he’s just trying to help, because he certainly doesn’t have to be so handsy.

He mostly hates it because he enjoys it so much, but he’s still perfectly capable of lying to himself, so he does.

“Please just trust me.” Sebastian’s smirk fades away, and he just seems so  _genuine_  that Kurt nods and sighs.

~~

It turns out that Kurt is Sebastian’s date to some event.

“I hate you,” Kurt says just loud enough for Sebastian to hear.

Sebastian smirks. “I know.”

They meet and greet several people before it becomes clear that there’s going to be dancing. Kurt stares out at the dance floor and Sebastian watches him. “Do you want to dance?” he asks.

Kurt turns towards him slightly. “Isn’t that—“

“So that’s a yes,” Sebastian smiles, grabbing Kurt’s hand and leading him towards the pairs already involved with each other.

Kurt narrows his eyes at him, “Why did you invite me here?”

“Because I wanted to.” The music is soft and classical, and a little too slow to be especially enjoyable, but perfect for this conversation.

“Why are you dancing with me?”

Sebastian just smiles. “Because you wanted to dance.”

The truth of the matter is that even though Kurt loves Blaine for being there for him at his junior and senior proms, there’s a broken little piece of him that hates that it was so hard for him to get up the confidence to just  _be_  with him.

That piece, right now, is healing. “Why do you care?” Kurt looks closely at Sebastian’s face—at the stubble on his chin, at the lips he already knows are incredibly skilled at what they do.

“Am I not allowed to care about you?” Sebastian hasn’t been pushy, despite the fact that he said that whatever was going on between them wasn’t over. Kurt believes that, because Sebastian has been waging an assault on him.

Sexual innuendos are sent in text messages, meaningful conversations are had in person—Sebastian may or may not let his hand rest on Kurt’s ass, though he always removes it when Kurt gives him a simple  _look_.

But besides that it hasn’t been too bad—and Kurt enjoys it.

Sebastian is looking at him right now with such an intense look on his face that Kurt doesn’t even bother to think about all of the ramifications and he simply pulls away, letting the weird need in the pit of his stomach guide him. He takes Sebastian’s hand and he pulls him away from the masses, and Sebastian doesn’t argue.

When Kurt pushes him against the wall outside in the empty hallway, Sebastian isn’t just surprised, he’s deliriously happy.

This is how it’s supposed to be—he lets Kurt take the lead because it seems  _natural_. Sebastian has been  _so slow_ , and that’s not how he likes to do this.

But now Kurt is kissing him, and it’s definitely paying off.

Kurt’s hands are in his hair, and he’s coaxing moans from Sebastian and suddenly being in public is a very bad idea.

“We should go.” Kurt is the one to say it, and Sebastian struggles not to sigh with relief.

~~

It’s skin against skin, and the faint glisten of the lube that Sebastian has stashed in his dresser drawer, and Sebastian is ridiculously thankful that he has a single(a roommate would  _definitely_  ruin the mood right now).

Kurt sucks on Sebastian’s lip before making his way down Sebastian’s body. He presses soft kisses along his neck, and down his chest, before giving him a look that _screams_  ‘roll over’ and as Sebastian acquiesces.

There’s a series of kisses and  _grinds_ —moans and whispered promises for future occasions.

Sebastian had promised himself that he’d make Kurt tremble, and he  _does._

~~

Kurt is in love with Blaine. He repeats this to himself over and over again.

Kurt Hummel doesn’t just  _have_  sex, so it’s a little hard to buy, even coming from himself.

He does it more frequently with Sebastian than he did with Blaine.

School passes by quickly, and somehow he’s constantly distracted by Sebastian’s hand over his, and the feeling of his lips at his neck. They tend to take turns imitating sex, and even being the one ‘in charge.’

Most of the time it’s mutual—shifting in each other’s hands and mouths.

Maybe Kurt starts to fall a little bit in love.

~~

Kurt doesn’t believe Sebastian when he says he’s attracted to him.

Sebastian plans for this, and one day he lays Kurt out, and simply stares down at him from his side.

He grabs Kurt’s hand, rubbing it against the outside of his boxers. “Feel that?”

Kurt snorts. “Of course I do.”

“It’s for you.” Sebastian says it simply, and it sounds ludicrous so Kurt laughs.

Sebastian leans down and kisses Kurt hard on the mouth.

“I like your mouth,” he lifts his head slightly, smiling and winking. He leans down again to kiss his chin. “And your chin.” He moves his mouth along Kurt’s neck—“And your neck.”

He makes his way across Kurt’s body—noting tiny birthmarks and smooth skin, crevices and letting his fingers whisper across his body along with his mouth.

“My favorite part,” he says softly, leaning in to kiss him again on the lips. “Is here—“ he places his hand over the space where Kurt’s heart is, and he can feel how fast it’s beating.

Sebastian smiles slightly, almost sadly. “Definitely my favorite part.”

~~

Sometimes Sebastian looks at Kurt with this strange look on his face.

Kurt doesn’t know whether to simply enjoy it, or feel uncomfortable, so he does a bit of both.

When he talks to Blaine he doesn’t feel  _this_  way. He doesn’t feel the burning sensation in his skin, the excessive palpitations of his heart, or the weird sense of rightness.

Thinking about such things is dangerous, however, so he doesn’t dwell overly much.

~~

The summer comes too soon, Sebastian thinks.

Both he and Kurt get distracted by finals, so he doesn’t have much of an opportunity to solidifty whatever is going on between them, but he knows that they have an expiration date.

Maybe he should be okay with this, because he doesn’t  _do_ relationships.

But this isn’t a relationship, he reminds himself bitterly—and it’s that frustration that reminds him that he’s fucking in love with Kurt and he doesn’t have a lot of choice in the matter.

On the last day of finals, after they’ve both finished they simply lie in bed, staring up at Kurt’s ceiling.

“So this is it,” Kurt says softly.

Sebastian feels his heart  _clench_  at that. “Yeah, it’s the end of the first year,” he chooses to misunderstand.

Kurt sighs. “You’re being deliberately difficult.”

“When am I not?” Sebastian smiles slightly.

“Bas—“

“Are we using nicknames now, Kurtie-kins?” Sebastian teases, deflecting again.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt admits. “But this—“

“Is fun? Yes, it is.” Sebastian knows there’s not much he can say if Kurt needs to do this  _now_.

“I really care about you,” Kurt says softly, entangling his hand with Sebastian, holding tightly when Sebastian tries to pull away.

“Well that’s fucking great,” Sebastian sits up, giving up his original plan to simply avoid the topic. “You can go back to your precious, pretty Blaine if that’s what you really want.”

“But if you do,” he continues. “I hope you miss this—“ he grabs Kurt’s cock, stroking it almost painfully hard, but certainly carefully enough that Kurt moans with pleasure. He leans down and kisses his mouth again, jerking him off with alternating painfully slow and hard and fast strokes until he comes in his hand.

Kurt is breathless, and there are tears welling up in his eyes that he struggles to hold back. “Sebastian, stop trying to cheapen what we are.”

“Were,” Sebastian says softly. “Turn over.”

Kurt isn’t going to pretend that he doesn’t know what Sebastian wants, so he pulls Sebastian’s head towards his, kissing his mouth softly. “One last time,” and he follows the ‘orders.’

Sebastian is slick and hot, and so incredibly hard it hurts. He struggles to go slowly—partially as punishment and partially because this is the last time that he’ll ever be with Kurt. That aches in him painfully, so he ignores the feelings and focuses on the fucking(though it’s rather impossible to lose himself in the momentum as he usually does).

When he comes it’s weirdly unsatisfying. “I should go.” Sebastian forces himself off Kurt’s bed.

“Seb—“

“I don’t really want to hear you try to make yourself feel better,” Sebastian shakes his head, pulling on his pants swiftly. He can see the hurt expression cross Kurt’s face, but he doesn’t let it affect him.

“I hope you and Blaine are miserable together.”

Something  _breaks_  in each of them at this moment.

~~

Kurt is miserable.

For two months he suffers through it, hoping that  _somehow_  it’ll get better.

He doesn’t understand why he’s so unhappy—Sebastian is his friend, and maybe it wasn’t  _just_  sex, but it wasn’t supposed to be anything more than that. But he misses Sebastian—he misses random raunchy text messages and just  _being_  with him.

Blaine is supposed to be the love of his life.

Blaine doesn’t look at him the way that Sebastian does. He doesn’t  _touch_  him the way Sebastian does.

Kurt and Blaine are lounging on Blaine’s bed when it happens, almost without him even really wanting to do it, or talk about it, or say it.

“How’s Sam?”

Blaine seems to stiffen, and he looks down at his hands. “He hasn't talked to me since we ended things.”

“Did you end it?” Kurt asks lightly, because there’s clearly  _something_  Blaine isn’t saying.

“No,” Blaine whispers softly. “But I would have—“ he looks up to meet Kurt’s eyes, placing his hands over Kurt’s on the bed. “I love you.”

Kurt smiles, almost sadly. “But are you in love with me? Were you ever?”

“Of course,” Blaine smiles slightly. “I told you how I fell in love with you. You were just there, and one day I saw you, the real you.”

It sounds so sweet when he says it like that. “Do you still feel that way?” Kurt doesn’t want to ask, but he needs to know.

Blaine’s smile falters. “I love you. It’s just . . . different now. We haven’t spent much time together, and I just—“ he sighs.

Kurt doesn’t know where he gets the strength to do what he does next—“I think we should break up,” Kurt says softly, feeling tears building at the corners of his eyes.

“No—“ Blaine says, shaking his head. “We just need to get back into the habit of  _being_  together. I’ve been distracted, but I promise things will be better. We’ll be better.”

Kurt shakes his head. “Blaine—when I’m around you, I don’t feel like  _me_. And you’re always saying that you love me for what I am, but—it’s hard for you. Maybe it shouldn’t be that hard.”

“It isn’t—“ Blaine insists.

Kurt leans forward to kiss Blaine softly on the cheek, and  _that_  feels right. “You’re one of my best friends. And that won’t change.”

“Is there someone else?” Blaine asks strangely, almost fearfully.

“Maybe,” Kurt says softly. “I think so. But I don’t think that changes things. It just made it more clear. Anyway, I should go, I have to go see Finn before he wears something absolutely  _awful_  to the Wemma Wedding.” Kurt does  _so_ love portmanteaus. 

“Kurt, please don’t—I still think we can work this out. Maybe we can still go to the wedding this weekend?” Blaine seems so sincere that Kurt almost wants to say yes.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea. But I’d recommend that you skip the bowtie this weekend, okay?” Kurt teases lightly.

Blaine just smiles tightly as Kurt grabs his bag to leave. “Okay.”

~~

“So who was it?” Blaine asks conversationally as he comes across Kurt at the wedding.

“Oh good, Blaine--” Kurt says distractedly, not really paying attention. “We have a flower problem, I need you to go get—“

“Who is it, Kurt?” Blaine repeats his question. He’s had a few days to think about this. Kurt is wrong—they do belong together. Whoever has gotten between them needs to  _leave_. “Is it Sebastian? I know you guys are friends now, but he was after  _me_. He likes to prowl, he likes  _games_. He—he’ll just leave you eventually and break your heart.”

Kurt shakes his head. “I don’t have time for this. And more importantly, he’s your friend too, so just—just  _stop_.”

“Kurt, I—“

“I don’t want to hear this. It’s a  _wedding_. Just  _stop_.”

“I’m not giving up on you,” Blaine declares.

“You should,” Kurt just stalks off to find someone else to do what he needs.

~~

Blaine decides easily enough that he can get  _Sebastian_  to let go of Kurt. Then Kurt will understand.

He goes to his house—he’s only been a few times, but he remembers how to get there, and he simply rings the doorbell, seething with anger.

“Well, hello Blaine—“ Sebastian says a minute later when he finally answers the door. “I’m surprised to see you here. I’m also surprised that you managed to get up the steps to the house. You do have such hobbit-sized legs—“

“Stop playing with Kurt. I know you don’t really care about him. But I do.”

Surprise flickers over Sebastian’s face, but he quickly regains his smirky mask. “Why don’t you come in?” he moves back, letting Blaine enter into the hallway. “What happened between you and Kurt?” he asks as if he doesn’t care(but he does,  _so much_ ).

“He broke up with me. Apparently because of you. But I  _love_  him.”

“So do I—“ Sebastian shrugs. “And between the two of us I think it’s clear who he’d want to choose.” The words  _he chose me_  flutter through him and he smiles sincerely. Because he’s  _won_.

“You can’t have him—“ Blaine stares at Sebastian with more intensity than Sebastian has ever seen him show, which surprises him enough that he doesn’t fight back as he’s slammed back against the hallway wall. “I’m not going to lose him.”

Sebastian smirks. “You’ve  _already_  lost him.”

Blaine just stands there, breathing hard and glaring furiously, but there’s a slightly vulnerable look in his eye.  He knows it’s true.

If Kurt cared enough about Sebastian to break up with Blaine, then it’s serious.

“Is it because you couldn’t have me?”

Sebastian laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t want you. Wanting Kurt was never about you—and the fact that you think that I wouldn’t just  _want_  him proves how little you appreciate him.”

“Then why?” Blaine asks softly, stepping back and letting Sebastian go.

Sebastian struggles to come up with the right words for a moment—“How am I supposed to pull out the things that make him  _Kurt_? It’s the way that he’s always so happy and excited about things—but he’s also snarky and sarcastic, and  _funny_."

“It’s everything together—all of him. I love the way he makes me  _feel_.” Sebastian isn’t even really talking to Blaine at this point. Suddenly the moment seems to end and Sebastian shifts back into his  _hard_  self. “I be the only reason you even want him is because little Sammy doesn’t want you anymore.”

“How did you—“ Blaine is overcome with anger, but Sebastian just holds up a hand.

“We’re friends. Apparently he got tired of waiting for you to choose  _him._  I bet all you have to do is tell him that you want  _him_  to get him back. So go.” Sebastian just raises an eyebrow when Blaine glares at him once more before leaving.

“So who is it going to be?” Sebastian calls out after him. “Kurt or Sam? You can’t have both.”

Blaine looks back towards him for a moment. “You’re an ass.”

Sebastian smiles. “Yeah, I am.”

~~

Sebastian starts to get nervous when Kurt hasn’t spoken to him in the last two weeks of summer. They haven’t really seen each other, and Kurt hasn’t actually  _told_  him that he broke up with Blaine, and the butterflies are back in full force.

He’s mooning over Kurt, and he’s a sap, and he sort of hates it, but it feels  _good_.

Sam and Blaine start to date again  _exclusively_ , he notes, so at least there’s that.  

The night after they move back into NYU he’s antsy. He wants to go see Kurt, but he  _can’t._

He hates feeling this weak.

He gets a text message halfway through his first beer to calm himself down. “ _Come find me where it all began.”_

Sebastian smiles.  _Good._ Everything is going to be okay.

~~

Kurt isn’t there when he gets there, and for a moment he wonders if he’s wrong. If this  _isn’t_  what Kurt meant.

He walks into the restroom where Kurt had helped him more than a year ago, and he turns the little corner, and he doesn’t seem Kurt.

Alas, the thing about corners is that people can hide behind them.

“Hey—“ he hears, and he turns around to see Kurt.

“Hi—“

“Did you know this was the first moment I really thought you were human? Sure, we were  _almost_  friends before this, but this is where it  _really_  started, wasn’t it?” Kurt looks around, his eyes lingering on the replacement mirror for the one that Sebastian had broken. He’s rambling a little, pushing the words out quickly and nervously. “And then you kissed my hand, and that was just—it was really weird, and maybe a little  . . .  _nice_.”

Sebastian smiles slightly. “It was an impulse.”

“Good impulse,” Kurt says, wandering a little closer to him. “So—Blaine’s always going to be my first. Real kiss, boyfriend, first, well,  _first_.”

“Thanks for reminding me—“ Sebastian says wryly.

Kurt licks his lips nervously, and suddenly Sebastian doesn’t care.

“You being here was bad,” Kurt admits. “I didn’t want to be friends with you. But I’m glad we did. And I’m also glad that we—I’m glad that we were together, though I’m sure it wasn’t ideal. But you’re not exactly the posterchild for serious relationships.”

“I would be,” Sebastian says simply. “Not for anyone else though.”

Kurt looks like he has so much more to say, but he gives up, and curses under his breath before practically jumping Sebastian, kissing him hard on the mouth, holding him tightly as if he doesn’t want to let go.

Kurt pushes him against the wall and Sebastian laughs. “In a public place, really Kurt? Who would have thought you had it in you?”

Kurt kisses him again, pulling him into  a stall and locking the door behind him. “You haven’t seen anything yet—“

“I need to say something—“ Sebastian says, breathing heavily, and clearly aroused.

“Right now?” Kurt asks, lifting an eyebrow slightly.

Sebastian looks down at him, smiling slightly. “Yeah. I’ve never really believed in love before, it’s always been sort of weakness, or maybe illusion. I’m in love with you. All of you.”

Kurt, before this moment, might have said that he was falling in love with him, but that he wasn’t sure. He might have said any number of things.

But at this moment, when Sebastian is looking at him like  _that_ —with heat, and love, and  _everything_ , he simply says what’s in his heart. “I love you too.” And he grabs Sebastian’s face with both hands, pulling him back down for another kiss.  
  
There will be heartbreak--complications and jealousy, and pain and misery because that's how relationships often _work_ \--but in this moment none of that matters, because this love will be worth it.


End file.
